Responses to Student Write Up 2

     I do agree with the argument made that gym and fitness facilities need to be more accessible to the students at Arizona State University.  I agree with this, mist likely because of my personal bias of living a very active/ military lifestyle that mandates fitness, and as a student who does not have a solid financial standing, a more affordable gym service is very appealing.  But there is a sufficient amount of factual amount to make me follow the ideas presented as well, re-enforcing my interest in this one movement towards a healthier life.

     A point that would strengthen the argument in the actual proposal (letter) would be to clarify how badly the student body at ASU needs to adjust to a healthier lifestyle.  Giving factual information about health issues and obesity on campus might make the issue seem more urgent and pull a quicker response.

     The audience is the Director of Campus Recreation and their views are that they want to get as much money as possible for the smallest product, just like any business person.  So the appeal that needs to be taken with the audience is a business approach.  This writer did that to an extent, but I think it could be further emphasized. 

     I believe that it is a good model of a bad example for this assignment.  The actual proposal that was to be sent did not hit close enough to the audience and goes with a less effective argument then possible. 

     The research used gives good examples of what the systems that are in place and what would work well if it was changed.  There is no information clarifying the actual issue. As stated before, there needs to be information added that gives real facts on the lack of fitness and active lifestyles on the Arizona State University campus.

     In comparison to the assignment sheet and instructions, this essay completes the requirements and would not be a failure of an assignment.  This essay would not though be considered a well executed proposal if it was actually imposed.